Male-female friendships. Does sex really get in the way?

It has been a hotly debated topic about whether men and women can be friends.    Most stuff that I have seen written about this stuff says there is absolutely no way that a straight man and a straight woman can be friends without the sex getting in the way.  Well this article is just my own opinion experience and not any scientific fact or research so please feel free to get involved and let me know your views on the matter.

So can men and women be friends?  Without the whole 'when Harry met Sally' dramatics?  I say without a shadow of a doubt, yes they can. I mean it would be stupid to deny that sexual attraction/tension can make its presence felt sometimes without warning.  However it is somewhat deluded and a little insulting to think that IT is only reason that sexually available members of the opposite sex interact. For me, that is definitely not the case.  I have a lot of guy friends, I mean a LOT!  It isn't something that I set out to do, it just happened.  Don't get me wrong, two of my closest friends are girls but I also have a few close male friends who are (gasp!) straight, single (yep) and (this will knock your socks off) very good looking and yet the closest thing that we have got to sexual tension is....well....it nothing really.  I would like to point out here that I am straight and have a huge appreciation for the male kind - they can be funny, wierd and complex but would I want a world without them? Heck no...anyway I digress....

The reason I like hanging out with guys is that there are very few girls who are into sport like I am especially where I am...I adore sports especially soccer, athletics, tennis, boxercise and going to the gym. I like my girlie movies but  I REALLY like action movies like the Bourne series, Gladiator (and yes, Russell Crowe in a skirt was an added bonus to what is a truly excellent film), the Mummy series etc.   So how many girls could I invite over for a night in?  Errrr...none.  So I found myself chatting to the guys and from there form friendships.  Guys found it cool that a girl was into what they were into and I found a group of people who I could spend time with and with whom I had a lot in common.  The fact that they were men didn't really enter into the equation.  I am still in touch with many of them and not once has there been THAT awkward moment. 

If you want to see more, click here and let me know your thoughts...

To telecommute or not to telecommute? That is the question..

The Great Size Debate

Having finished having a delicious lunch with my delightful friends today, I decided to do a little shopping.  Yes I know I should be saving money for a deposit for a house but to be honest, I was in the mood for a little retail therapy and every shop had a mid-season sale.  So off I went on an adventure and ended up in H & M (or Hennes, if you please).  Now I am a Dorothy Perkins obsessive.  I am a big fan of their clothes and their prices (I don’t think they have them in America you have Forever 21 – a fantastic alternative) but I also like H & M because their clothes are not only beautiful but again their prices rock.  You will notice a theme here i.e. that I like a bargain.  However I also like quality...and I like clothes that fit me.   I am a size 12-14 (US 8-10, I will use UK sizes throughout the article...to get the equivalent UK size just add 4) a normal woman, with normal curves.  I have taken my sweet time to accept the fact that I will never be in single figures, but now that I have embraced it, I am revelling in it! The small fly in my ointment is that I have found that shopping for clothes has turned into something of a trial.  Why?  Because being a shade under 5ft 10 (around 177 cms) with what is described as an athletic build, I have a bit of an odd shape – broad shoulders included which means, I have to go a few sizes up to get a good fit when I buy tops and dresses but not so often  when I buy trousers. So anyway, enticed by the prices and in need of some smart trousers, in I went in search of the inevitable bargain.  After scouring the rails for a few minutes, I found what I was looking for – a smart pair of slim leg trousers AND a pair of smart cropped trousers with black and gold buttons.  What was this going to cost me? The total cost was going to be £20 (about $32) for both.  They were the right size and the right shape – a size 14-16. So off I went to the fitting room ready to revel in my new soon-to-be purchases.  However, I went in confident and came out a few minutes later deflated.  I could get into them, I could even walk in them, but would I be comfortable?  Err no.  And breathing would be a no-no too.  Talk about a confidence drainer.  I did get the slim leg trousers but in a monster size 18.  Size 18! There was a time I could fit easily into a size 14 H&M pair of trousers.  But today was not that day.  I don’t know whether credit crunch means women’s stores are using less material to save money, but I have noticed the worrying trend that sizes are getting smaller (or are women getting bigger?  The debate rages on...)  I mean there is nothing wrong with being a size 8 or size 18 just as long as you are healthy and confident in who you are as a woman...

So get to the point already, I hear you say.  Ok I will (as I stand on my soapbox) what I want is for stores to have a uniform sizing policy and have clothes that fit normal women.  You know, women with hips, boobs, bums and tums. No more size shift as you go from store to store and no more disconsolate women coming out of stores whose fashion tells them that having curves is a problem when it comes to having good well fitting clothes. As the Good Book says, “let your yes be yes and let your no be no.”  So I am laying down a fashion commandment – let your size 12 be your size 12 in every store without exception.

Take care and God bless readers...

Diet or not to diet? That is the question...yeah right

The credit crunch has, amongst other things, brought a little perspective to my way of thinking. I am a big fan of chick lit and of some ladies magazines. However, more and more I am getting disillusioned with not just some of the insipid writing classed as helpful guides but some of the dangerous trends contained within their pages. Some of the stuff that passes for health advice leaves (sometimes literally) a bad taste in my mouth. So after years of crushing self doubt, 1000 pages of size-0 models, (read over my lifetime so far), faddy diets, erratic eating and one 2 health scares, I have ditched the diet books, started a healthier regime (yeah that can include Haribo) and celebrated my body in all its glory (lumps, bumps and all). Why? Well let me tell you…

First and foremost, life is too short and there is so much more to be doing that debating the merits of having a salad or a shish-kebab!

I have found that healthy eating is more effective than dieting and has much better longer term results. I tried the Atkins diet for a week and yes I lost weight but lost friends with my incredibly bad protein breath…Phew! Now I eat what I want when I want, the key is MODERATION.

I realised that being skinny (or thinner) does not necessarily equate to a happier life, trust. Food became the enemy that I needed to control. Now it’s something that I enjoy without it taking over my life.

Changing my way of thinking (hard as it was) and being comfortable in my own skin is infinitely better.

My health suffered, my body and mind experienced unnecessary changes to its processes and functions. Light-headedness, nausea, faints, anxiety, stress…the list goes on. At one point, my body just ‘shut down’ and it was only the intervention of a school friend that ensured no serious damage was done.

I alienated a lot of people. I craved loneliness but at the same time wanted people to acknowledge my efforts (talk about screwed up).

I caught every sickness bug going because my immune system was not developing properly. Even today, the legacy of those years can still be seen although I am much much better.

Food is there to be enjoyed!! I am not against eating a healthy diet or exercising. In fact these are very good for you. What I do not like is the constant pressure for women (and men) to see food as something that must be dominated and brought into line. Food is there to sustain us so that we can get on with doing important things like living life to its best and fullest.

I’m off now for my break, tea and biscuit anyone? Take care…

Superstars!

Firstly, thank you for my star, its totally unexpected but very gratefully received.  OK enough of the Halle Berry speech already I hear you say, thats ok, Im done (cue sighs of relief).

Secondly (because I am going to do the unthinkable and keep it short...yeah yeah I hear you say) great party the other night, I didnt stay long and thus didnt win anything (that'll teach me!) which reminds me when is the next one? Cos I am there already there.

At the moment, I am feeling excited, inspired and very very sleepy.  I didnt get much sleep because I had a deadline and had to stay up till 4 in the morning to get it done and only got 4-5hours sleep.  But do you know its was well worth it?  So the morale of the story is , if its worth having, its worth working a little harder for. 

My writing business is exploding and I am very busy and it all started on a whim which goes to show that to get the result that you never have before, you have to do something you have never done before...in other words, take a risk!  Life is too short...

So let me know the craziest things that you did and how it turned out...

Take care readers and keep smiling.... 

A Spring in my Step...

Spring is round the corner (although if you live where I do, its a bit difficult to tell) and with it, the distinct whiff of possibility. The news is filled with news of rapist fathers, financial crises and general doom and gloom so I thought I would buck the trend. As the sun comes out, I thought it was about time to spread it around and hopefully put a little smile on everyone's face...even if its just for a moment...

Spring is here!  Woop-de-woop! Okay so it means buying the kids (and some of the adults) Easter eggs, cooking a special dinner and thinking about what Easter is really all about, but it also means warmer weather, summer is on its way and at least 2 bank holidays...tell me who could not do with an extra long weekend to take a load off?

Cheesy but true - family and friends are priceless so thanks you guys for putting up with all our s**t and still being there!

A new day - its like having a new slate and yesterday's mistakes are today's opportunities...

Love and passion - there are different kinds (family, job, friends, partner) but they are all important.  As I watch a football match where grown men are reduced to hugging each other in jubilation after someone had kicked a dead cow into a net, I realise that if some of that was invested in relationships all over the world, maybe things could be a little different, who knows?  But I love love...it can be messy, tricky, hopelessly difficult to figure out but it ultimately makes the world go round....awwwwww.....

Hugs and kisses - giving them, receiving them.  They can be so underrated but two of the sexiest things that couples can do to themselves and the best way to put a smile on someone's face.  Speaking of smiles...

Smiles...it can make someone's day and is the best facial exercise and a free facelift....

The quiet - especially after the kids have gone to school, the calm tranquil bliss that allows the mind to cease thinking and just be...until you have to go and pick them up from school...

I love the smell just after its rained, it smells fresh as if everything has been washed and is clean...

So there it is, this article does not make sense nor is it designed to...it is just a little positive rant of all the things that we can do and think about because like the song says, the best things in life are free...

Stereo killed the radio star...just kidding

Having turned a certain age a few weeks ago (yeah like Im going to tell), my brain seems to have been working overtime.  Having just recently launched my freelance writing career, I have come to realise a lot of things...that not everyone is out to rob you, that hard work does indeed pay off and that stereotypes do exist...WOAH! I hear you say, thats a bit of a jump.  Yes it is but its the truth. So as a woman of a certain age and a certain ethnicity, I have found that although I do sometimes fit into the mould normally associated with my race, I am also (in other aspects) completely at odds with it.  Let me give an example...we are known as feisty, dramatic and a little arrogant.  OK I admit the first two but never the third, but doesnt that apply to every woman?  Furthermore, my musical taste could not be further from what is normally perceived to be 'our' music (hip-hop, r 'n'b etc etc) but I cannot stand that stuff.  I have an eclectic taste ranging from 80s pop to classical to jazz and everything in between.

So what do you think?  Are you typical of how your race is perceived? Or are you an exception to the rule?  This isnt meant to be controversial post, I just want to know what people's opinions...Peace out.

Why I love being a woman!!!

I am not going to go on a feminist rant (I love men,they are complex, but then again, arent we?), but after recently celebrating a landmark birthday, I just felt I had to say a little something.  Ok, life isnt easy and sometimes we ladies do get a rough deal (Periods? Morning sickness?  Unpleasant but the end result is so worth it...) but there are many things that we should be happy about.  I mean I had a full blown epiphany and I think we of the fairer sex should raise our glasses to womanhood...

Firstly, we have had to fight - to get the vote, for equal pay and we continue to do so.  Although we are not quite there, more women are giving in to their entrepreneurial side and running successful businesses.  Viva la vida!

Chocolate.  Now I have to come clean and confess to NOT being a chocolate lover in fact, it makes me a little queasy...I prefer the delights of Haribo (Tangfastics, anyone?).  But my point is, we can indulge, just because we feel like it and especially at THAT time of the month and we get the sympathy from our man, our friends even our bosses, talk about fortunate.  I mean could you imagine a man receiving achieving the same thing?  People would look at him like he escaped from the psych ward (and they wouldl probably send him back there...)

Makeup.  We have so many products, in so many colours and so many textures...I mean take red nail polish.  You dont just have red - you have a variety of red (plum red, bright red, etc etc), the same goes for lipstick.  We have creams for every conceivable part of our bodies.  If we get a spot? No problem...concealer and light foundation and we are good to go...excellent!

We can wear trousers or skirts, t-shirts or corsets, trainers or heels...brilliant!

The magic (ok yes, and the pain) of childbirth...and we get more maternity leave (but I say, that has to change)...

We can be uber affectionate with our girlfriends...and it doesnt look odd...

Ok we are not always right, but we are NEVER wrong...

When I thought about this, I did smile a little and the cockles of my  heart were warmed...Tell me what makes you proud to be a lady, Im sure there are plenty of reasons and so many of you out there. I wait with my glass raised...

Saving Face(book)..The Friendship Dilemma

After biting the bullet and admitting that I am, despite all my efforts, a Facebook addict (as well as a Haribo obsessive and a Pringles junkie), I suddenly realised far from making friendships easier, things have become complicated.  Why was this?  Friendship is simple, you like me, I like you, I like hanging with you and talking about stuff and you like doing the same with me, so why should this be hard?  Then it hit me…there are different types and they have to be managed.  It sounds cold, but its fact.  I will show you what I mean…

1.     The school friend – the one that you shared a shared a love of Disney with and allowed to plait your hair at lunch times…she is cool, but you grow up and, mostly, grow apart. I moved around a lot so I missed this bonding, but I am blessed because since high school, I have a friend that has known me for 14 years – she is awesome but like most relationships requires work…

2.     The best friend – now this is different, this is the one that knows you inside out and outside in.  They know when you are lying.  They have seen you at your best and at your worst and they still love you. 

3.     The close male friend – I have three – two of whom are married the one that is single has known me the longest (a huge 10 years – what a sentence, I mean privilege).  I like hanging with the guys because they keep it simple, are honest and they share my love of football and action movies, which frankly, I cannot do with my girlfriend AND I know that they would stick up for me should I need it…bonus!

4.     The mentor – The one you go to for advice.  They are normally older and come armed with counsel and, if you are lucky, cake (mmmm…lovely). 

5.     The ex turned friend – very tricky but doable.  Nightmare for party invitations especially when you get on with their family – ALL their family. 

6.     The friend you met online – I have actually met three good friends through Myspace. We are still in contact, and meet at least once a month for coffee.  They are not going to be my best buddies but I am so pleased.

7.     The one who used to bully/ignore you and wants to be your friend.  There are 2 choices with this one – ignore their Facebook requests or move on and let bygones be bygones.  Who knows what you might discover?  For the record, I won’t tell you which one I did when one contacted me…

8.     The work colleague – I have made friends with a few people from work (one of which was an office romance, of sorts. It ended, disastrously, after one date.  That date? 11^th September 2001..yes I thought that too…) These kind of friendships become more difficult to maintain because people move, and move a lot.  I still am in contact with some work people but if I lose touch, I won’t stress about it, neither should you.

9.     The gay friend – I have a couple of them and its great because they can tell you how hot you look and you can rest assured its not because they are trying to get into your sequinned hotpants.  They also seem to exude style so when they tell you that the brown kaftan you thought looked hot on you in the shop makes you look like a sick monk, they only have your best (fashion) interests at heart.

10.  The partner – Oh yes…this goes without saying is one of the key relationships that you will have and, to some extent, influences the others listed.  Don’t be under the illusion that these are easy, relationships are fun but like everything else, needs work. 

So there you go, I have had all 10 and I can tell you they have had a hand in forming the person that I am today. Forrest Gump says “life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get”  And although we may not eat the whole box (I’m a chocolate loather myself) and favour the truffles over the orange liqueurs, there is no denying that it that mixture that makes it interesting…much like these friendships, let me know what you think, I would love to know…